


A Torchwood Christmas Carol

by tardisjournal



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Crack, Gen, M/M, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-25
Updated: 2012-12-25
Packaged: 2017-11-22 13:26:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/610310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tardisjournal/pseuds/tardisjournal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Captain Jack Harkness, leader of Torchwood, was a miserable man who made his employees' lives miserable as well. Then one Christmas season something happened to change all that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Torchwood Christmas Carol

Alex Hopkins was dead; there was no doubt about that. In the year of 1999, on New Year's Eve, he murdered all his co-workers and then held a gun to his own head and fired. His aim had always been true.

Only one colleague remained, Captain Jack Harkness, and he took over the firm, called Torchwood Cardiff, or Torchwood Three, or just Torchwood. By all accounts, he ran it well. Or they would have said he ran it well, if anyone had known about it. Because Torchwood was a secret organization. And under Harkness’ reign, it became even more secretive. Shortly after assuming control, he severed all ties with the London branch, and refused to cooperate with U.N.I.T. any more than he had to. Sometimes he refused to cooperate even when he had to.

It wasn’t only Torchwood that became more secretive. Harkness himself holed up in his underground base and became more and more isolated from the world as time went on. His work was his life, and he lived to work. He was never seen out socializing or visiting with friends or family. Although he was a handsome man, and charming when he wanted to be, no one ever saw him go on a date. His employees whispered amongst themselves that he even slept in the base.

He had only three employees—a doctor named Owen Harper, a technology expert named Toshiko Sato, and his second-in command, Suzie Costello. They were, every one, nearly as twisted and anti-social as he was. They routinely worked through summers and holidays without taking any time off, not even Christmas or New Year's Eve.

Especially not Christmas or New Year's Eve. Even acknowledging the existence of that festive season was verboten at Torchwood. The barest whisper of a “Merry Christmas”, or a note of _Auld Lang Syne_ would send Harkness flying into an uncontrollable rage, so his staff found it prudent to pretend that there was nothing at all remarkable about the week between December 24 th and January 1st.

But then something happened to change all that.

One day in mid-December, Harkness emerged from his storefront and was accosted by a young man seeking employment.

“Coffee?” the young man asked, proffering a steaming mug. Now, well-prepared coffee was one of Captain Harkness’ favorite things, and he very nearly smiled after he took a sip, for this coffee was very fine indeed. It was, quite clearly, homemade, as the container was a regular ceramic mug and not the to-go cup one might expect.

But then he handed the mug back.

“Jones, Ianto Jones. There is no job for you here,” Harnkess said, brushing past the young man.

Jones was not so easily dissuaded. He darted around the Captain and stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. “But you checked me out!”

“When we crossed paths in the park the other night I realized that you knew too much. I thought I was going to have to come deal with you.”

“You should hire me instead. You can see I have the right qualifications for the job.”

“Sorry, no vacancies. Not even for a former employee of the Torchwood Institute in London. _Especially_ not for a former employee of the Torchwood Institute in London. We're nothing to do with them.”

Harkness made to pass, and was stopped again. He arched a brow. There were few who dared to manhandle him in such a fashion. He couldn’t think of any, in fact.

"Where am I supposed to go? What am I supposed to do?"

“Are there no prisons? Are there no workhouses? Make use of those institutions if you must, but leave me be. You are not my responsibility! There is no job for you here, and there never will be."

Despite Jones’ attempts to stop him again, Harkness kept going. Jones played his trump card.

“I really like that coat.”

That almost stopped Harkness in his tracks. A few years ago it might have, for a handsome young man pushing him around a bit while paying him compliments was another one of Harkness' favorite things.

Or rather, it had been. Now, he just kept going.

\---- ---- ---- ----

Captain Harkness stopped his vehicle with a screech when a figure, nearly invisible in the pelting rain, threw itself in front of it.

It was Ianto Jones, dressed in a finely-tailored suit and no overcoat despite the inclement weather. Harkness was not amused. He barreled out and started ranting and raving and making all manner of threats. The hapless Jones could barely get a word in edgewise.

Harkness finished his tirade by threatening the young man’s life, then, satisfied that he had made his point, stormed away.

Jones stopped him mid-storm. “So, you’re not going to help me catch this pterodactyl, then?”

“What?”

“The pterodactyl. It’s trapped in a warehouse by the docks. I call it Tiny Myfanwy.”

Jones had finally found something even the cynical Captain couldn’t resist—the opportunity to catch a creature that some would say was as cold-blooded as Harkness himself.

\---- ---- ---- ----

Myfanwy dive-bombed them, and they only got out the door in the nick of time.

“You call that Tiny?” Harness gasped.

“What, you're not prepared to take down a dinosaur? Torchwood London would have been. Besides, it’s a joke, Sir.”

“Humbug! Come on.” Harness adjusted his grip on the giant tranquilizer dart and, shoulder-to-shoulder, they re-entered the warehouse.

But not before Jones had noticed Harkness’ remarkable scent, and Harkness had noticed him noticing.

\---- ---- ----- ----

The drugged reptile lay on the warehouse floor, snoring. Jones lay on top of Harkness, breathing rapidly.  Alex Hopkins’ ghost, unseen and unheard by the living, stood close by, and so was privy to the look that passed between the two men.

“At last, someone has thawed Jack Harkness' frozen heart,” he observed. _(‘And warmed his loins,’_ he thought, but didn't say, because this is a children's tale.)

“Cancel the visitations,” Alex Hopkins declared. “I don't think we'll need them after all.”

“Aww, fiddlesticks,” said the Ghost of Christmas Present. “I was looking forward to sampling some Welsh rarebit and Laverbread.”

“Drat! There goes my chance for revenge," cried Gray, who was masquerading as the Ghost of Christmas Past but was actually very much alive. He uttered several other unprintable oaths, then muttered, “Now I'll have to find some other way in.”

The Ghost of Christmas Future said nothing. But then, it never did.

\---- ---- ---- ----

The following day, which was Christmas Eve, Harkness introduced Jones to the Torchwood Team and showed him around the base.

Jones set to work immediately, digging out a coffee pot that no one had touched for years and putting it to its intended purpose. The coffee he made was strong and warm and brought smiles to the Team’s anxious, care-worn faces. The smiles turned to looks of shock when Harkness entered the room and proceeded to turn up the thermostat.

“What?” Harness inquired. “It's for Tiny Myfanwy. She's cold-blooded. She doesn't function well when it's chilly.”

“Actually, pterodactyls are warm-blooded,” Doctor Harper, the most outspoken of the staff, pointed out. “Well, we think they are. We don’t really know for sure being as how they're extin…”

“Shut up!” hissed Suzie. “Don't discourage him. It's the first time I've felt my fingers in ages.” She pulled off her fingerless gloves and flexed her fingers gratefully.

“I heard that!” Harkness cried.

“I didn't mean anything by it,” Suzie said, cringing.

“Suzie Costello, you know what I'm going to do now?” Harkness roared, and they all trembled, even Harper.

“I'm going to... to... raise your salary!”

Three faces gaped at him, stunned.

“All of your salaries,” Harkness continued, grinning. “And do you know what I'm going to do then?”

“Tell us what you've done with the real Jack Harkness and then proceed to try take over the world?” Owen asked.

“No, silly! I'm going to send Mr. Jones here to the shops to buy us some delicious things to eat and drink, and we're all going to sit down to a proper Christmas feast. And then next week, we’re going to buy the finest champagne, and ring in the New Year in style!"

And that's exactly what they did.

\---- ---- ---- ----

Captain Harkness became a second father to Tiny Myfanwy. (Or maybe he was her first father, because pterodactyls didn't have fathers in any real sense of the word. Or maybe Jones was her first father, and Harkness her second after all) At any rate, she grew larger and was quite content, if reptiles can be said to be content. Doctor Harper ran a battery of psychological tests to try to determine this, but the results were inconclusive.

Doctor Harper and Toshiko Sato became ever more proficient at their jobs, and because of that the world was saved from alien invaders numerous times and brought back from the brink of total annihilation once or twice. That memorable Christmas Eve when everything changed, they stole a kiss under the mistletoe, an event which was unprecedented in the history of Harkness’ Torchwood.

Suzie Costello became obsessed with an alien glove and became a serial killer that had to be put down by Torchwood. Twice. Well, not every ending can be a happy one. Moving on...

As Alex Hopkins had foreseen, Harkness and Jones grew closer with every passing day, and the good Captain never returned to his isolated ways. He became quite well-known around Cardiff, flirting outrageously with everyone he met and making glad the hearts of men and women alike. In his own heart, however, he remained devoted to Jones, and never strayed. With Jones and the Team by his side, he became the greatest protector the city, country, and indeed the Earth has ever known.

Except for his friend the Doctor, but that's a tale for another time.

\----The End----

 

 


End file.
